Dear You,
I have tried to tell you so many times. I don't know how attempts I have made at this letter I keep getting stuck right after I start. Sat down, opened up the document, fingers on the keyboard, but nothing to write. I am sorry I mislead you. Sorry for being myself around you. I have tried to change into something that I might want to be but just can't do it. I trusted you and tried to be more open with you than with other people and it just doesn't work. Sorry I was a burden I am not one now and frankly I know now I don't need you around to "help" me. I truly do appreciate what you did for me and can't repay you for that. Thanks for putting up with me when you didn't want to.
Sincerly,
Drake
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
BAM! When reality strikes.
Do you ever have the feeling that you just keeping fighting for goals that you know will never come to fruition? I have been feeling this way lately not completely sure how to go about it. There are times where it seems, "Hey, this could actually happen now, I have a shot at this." Everything else that has happened eventually you soon realize that you actually do not have more a chance of getting your hope than before.
After, this point what normally happens? Get a new goal? Find something to fill that gap either an object or achievement that could satisfy or surpass your thinking? I find that new goals that are not associated with the original can be very beneficial. Goals get your mind onto it other than those things you were thinking about all the time and need a break from. Recently it came to fruition that realization that I wouldn't be able to something I have been wondering about for sometime. Over the past few months in the back of my mind I have kept thinking of what would happen and how it could work out. Then, life made a roadblock which made it so it wouldn't be possible to accomplish what I have been waiting for.
Keep setting those goals and looking for ways to make things work.
-Your Friendly Neighborhood Drake
After, this point what normally happens? Get a new goal? Find something to fill that gap either an object or achievement that could satisfy or surpass your thinking? I find that new goals that are not associated with the original can be very beneficial. Goals get your mind onto it other than those things you were thinking about all the time and need a break from. Recently it came to fruition that realization that I wouldn't be able to something I have been wondering about for sometime. Over the past few months in the back of my mind I have kept thinking of what would happen and how it could work out. Then, life made a roadblock which made it so it wouldn't be possible to accomplish what I have been waiting for.
Keep setting those goals and looking for ways to make things work.
-Your Friendly Neighborhood Drake
Woody vs. Buzz
There are things that I have done that I am not proud of like every other person in the world. One of those things would be allowing the same stupid crap happen over and over again. I'm going to have to be kind of broad about this since it would just cause chaos. It just seems like I've been waiting around for things to happen but it NEVER works out. This wouldn't be that I am all that surprised about it but never the less it still is very shredding to find out I let those walls down and BAM! there was the dragon breathing fire and killing what was there. It's not like I'm asking for much just a break from this roller coaster would be nice, but I don't believe that will come to fruition for some time. I feel like Woody from "Toy Story" I was pretty much ready to climb any mountain and do whatever I had to do. Then, Buzz came along and there it goes really no need to try and climb any mountain because there isn't any point to finish. Everyone wants the new toy the one that seems like he will cure everything. I realize in the end of the movie everything pretty much worked out and things were awesome. News flash life isn't a movie unfortunately you can't how should I say work for something and it actually pay off. I wish life was a movie sometimes because then I would know that everything would work out but no such luck.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten?
Squid or peppers and by peppers i literally mean the world's hottest peppers
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The Easter Egg Hunt of a lifetime
When Rocker and Moo were very young, we had just moved to a small town up north. The whole city maybe had 1500 citizens at the time. Like many moms, I dressed the kids up in boots and jackets and off we went to the egg hunt.
We had heard from our neighbors that this was an event not to miss-as the kid who found the one golden egg would have his/her picture in the newspaper and be awarded the grand prize. There was no mention of what this grand prize was, but since Rocker was six and Moo was three years old, I didn't really care. My goal was to come back with at least an egg or two of candy.
The hunt was supposed to begin at 10 am sharp. As we drove to the park, I reminded the boys that this was for fun. They were to be nice to others. If they were lucky enough to find more than one egg, they should give one to someone who doesn't have one. Rocker was never one to share. His nose was pressed against the minivan window carefully eyeing up his competition. Moo, in his usual state was just content to go with the flow.
As I opened the side door, Rocker grabbed his basket and jumped out.
"Hey, slow down!" I shouted as I helped Moo out from his carseat.
"I want to get in line! I will see you over there!" he said. He quickly looked both ways and darted like a gazelle across the road.
Moo and I slowly and carefully crossed the road and tried to make our way through the crowded playground to the pavilion for the start of the hunt. Time was getting short and it was about to begin. Excitement was building among the restless children as the mayor at the microphone gave out the rules.
I looked around for Rocker and couldn't find him in the crowd. I wasn't too worried, as it was a small town and from where we were, I could also see the van. I assumed he was in his restricted age area for the older kids and busied myself getting Moo lined up for the hunt.
Then, suddenly---the whistle blew and we were off!
Kids, parents, grandparents, cousins, neighbors--everybody was running!, grabbing!, yelling!, screaming!, hunting!, looking!, searching!....this went on for a full fifteen minutes...and then...it was over...kids stopped hopping, running, screaming and searching. All the eggs had been found.
A peacefulness had taken over. Baskets were full of plastic colored eggs filled with all kinds of goodies. There was laughing and smiling and bliss. Those not so fortunate were invited to go to the main stage and they would be given eggs to take home.
I then realized in all of the activity, I hadn't seen Rocker at all. I asked Moo if he had seen his brother. No, he shook his head-he hadn't.
Trying to appear calm and collected, I asked people all around me-did they see Rocker? No, no-no one had seen him all morning. I felt a sense of panic rising in my chest. Moo and I started walking faster and suddenly, this hunt for eggs had turned into a hunt for my son! My breathing started getting faster and faster. I left Moo with a friend and kept looking and searching. True panic had set in. I was unbelivably freaked out. I looked under bushes, in the woods, in the van, in all the cars (only a few left by this time) parked along the road...WHERE WAS MY SON???
Finally, I decided to do the only thing left. I would have to go to the stage and have them call his name over the microphone. I would be the only mother in this little town's history to have lost her son at the damn egg hunt.
I resigned myself and slowly walked with my head hung, up to the main stage...what would I tell Mr. Cutie? He'd never let me out of the house again with Moo. He'd say, "No, we can't have you leaving the other one somewhere..." They'd probably have to plaster Rocker's face on a milk carton in the shape of an Easter egg-as an annual warning to parents everywhere that they don't want to be next year's victims....
Then, out of the blue I hear " MOM!"
I looked up. I knew the sound of that kid's voice... would it be? Could it be? YES, IT WAS ROCKER! Wait, what was he doing on stage? Who are those people around him? Why are they taking his picture?
"MOM! MOM! I FOUND THE GOLDEN EGG! THEY ARE TAKING A PICTURE OF ME FOR THE NEWSPAPER WITH THE GRAND PRIZE!" Rocker was jumping up and down with a chocolate bunny the size of Moo held out in front of him.
I ran up to the stage with tears in my eyes-more relieved that my son was alive and well than I was that he had won the big prize!
"Congratulations!" I hugged him.
Rocker jumped off the stage and ran over to Moo. Together they crossed the road with the giant piece of chocolate and got into the van. It was so big, they each had to hold on to a side to keep it upright on the way home.
"Hey, Mom-you didn't even have to stay with me this year. Were you worried when you didn't see me?" Rocker asked.
"Me? Worried? What did you think I would do, run around all frantic looking for you? I wasn't worried for one minute." I replied-trying to make him believe me.
"I didn't think so. You just aren't like that. " he said.
"Nope, and I won't ever be either." (Pause) "Say, how are we ever going to eat that thing?" I asked.
"THE EARS FIRST!" he shouted.
"NO, ME FIRST!" Moo chimed in.
"NO....MOM! I FOUND IT...IT'S MINE!" Rocker yelled.
"NO! ME!" yelled Moo...and so we were back to normal once again... fighting boys in the backseat struggling to the death over a stupid piece of giant chocolate...one pinch here, one punch there..."MOM!"... "MOM!"...
We had heard from our neighbors that this was an event not to miss-as the kid who found the one golden egg would have his/her picture in the newspaper and be awarded the grand prize. There was no mention of what this grand prize was, but since Rocker was six and Moo was three years old, I didn't really care. My goal was to come back with at least an egg or two of candy.
The hunt was supposed to begin at 10 am sharp. As we drove to the park, I reminded the boys that this was for fun. They were to be nice to others. If they were lucky enough to find more than one egg, they should give one to someone who doesn't have one. Rocker was never one to share. His nose was pressed against the minivan window carefully eyeing up his competition. Moo, in his usual state was just content to go with the flow.
As I opened the side door, Rocker grabbed his basket and jumped out.
"Hey, slow down!" I shouted as I helped Moo out from his carseat.
"I want to get in line! I will see you over there!" he said. He quickly looked both ways and darted like a gazelle across the road.
Moo and I slowly and carefully crossed the road and tried to make our way through the crowded playground to the pavilion for the start of the hunt. Time was getting short and it was about to begin. Excitement was building among the restless children as the mayor at the microphone gave out the rules.
I looked around for Rocker and couldn't find him in the crowd. I wasn't too worried, as it was a small town and from where we were, I could also see the van. I assumed he was in his restricted age area for the older kids and busied myself getting Moo lined up for the hunt.
Then, suddenly---the whistle blew and we were off!
Kids, parents, grandparents, cousins, neighbors--everybody was running!, grabbing!, yelling!, screaming!, hunting!, looking!, searching!....this went on for a full fifteen minutes...and then...it was over...kids stopped hopping, running, screaming and searching. All the eggs had been found.
A peacefulness had taken over. Baskets were full of plastic colored eggs filled with all kinds of goodies. There was laughing and smiling and bliss. Those not so fortunate were invited to go to the main stage and they would be given eggs to take home.
I then realized in all of the activity, I hadn't seen Rocker at all. I asked Moo if he had seen his brother. No, he shook his head-he hadn't.
Trying to appear calm and collected, I asked people all around me-did they see Rocker? No, no-no one had seen him all morning. I felt a sense of panic rising in my chest. Moo and I started walking faster and suddenly, this hunt for eggs had turned into a hunt for my son! My breathing started getting faster and faster. I left Moo with a friend and kept looking and searching. True panic had set in. I was unbelivably freaked out. I looked under bushes, in the woods, in the van, in all the cars (only a few left by this time) parked along the road...WHERE WAS MY SON???
Finally, I decided to do the only thing left. I would have to go to the stage and have them call his name over the microphone. I would be the only mother in this little town's history to have lost her son at the damn egg hunt.
I resigned myself and slowly walked with my head hung, up to the main stage...what would I tell Mr. Cutie? He'd never let me out of the house again with Moo. He'd say, "No, we can't have you leaving the other one somewhere..." They'd probably have to plaster Rocker's face on a milk carton in the shape of an Easter egg-as an annual warning to parents everywhere that they don't want to be next year's victims....
Then, out of the blue I hear " MOM!"
I looked up. I knew the sound of that kid's voice... would it be? Could it be? YES, IT WAS ROCKER! Wait, what was he doing on stage? Who are those people around him? Why are they taking his picture?
"MOM! MOM! I FOUND THE GOLDEN EGG! THEY ARE TAKING A PICTURE OF ME FOR THE NEWSPAPER WITH THE GRAND PRIZE!" Rocker was jumping up and down with a chocolate bunny the size of Moo held out in front of him.
I ran up to the stage with tears in my eyes-more relieved that my son was alive and well than I was that he had won the big prize!
"Congratulations!" I hugged him.
Rocker jumped off the stage and ran over to Moo. Together they crossed the road with the giant piece of chocolate and got into the van. It was so big, they each had to hold on to a side to keep it upright on the way home.
"Hey, Mom-you didn't even have to stay with me this year. Were you worried when you didn't see me?" Rocker asked.
"Me? Worried? What did you think I would do, run around all frantic looking for you? I wasn't worried for one minute." I replied-trying to make him believe me.
"I didn't think so. You just aren't like that. " he said.
"Nope, and I won't ever be either." (Pause) "Say, how are we ever going to eat that thing?" I asked.
"THE EARS FIRST!" he shouted.
"NO, ME FIRST!" Moo chimed in.
"NO....MOM! I FOUND IT...IT'S MINE!" Rocker yelled.
"NO! ME!" yelled Moo...and so we were back to normal once again... fighting boys in the backseat struggling to the death over a stupid piece of giant chocolate...one pinch here, one punch there..."MOM!"... "MOM!"...
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Dear You,
The other night might have been the best I have felt in quite sometime. I was able to tell you things I have wanted to for quite sometime but never had the gull to do it. Then when suddenly you decide to step into my life again for no reason some feelings that I thought might come back thankfully did not. I am happy with who I am today and that is without you. Its ok to move on with your life somehow I don't think you did because you tried to say things that would have bothered me before but they didn't. There were somethings that I probably should not have said but the past is the past and nothing will change that At some point in the future I do hope there would finally be peace between us. Things have changed with me and there is another big change on the horizon which I wish I could talk to you about but I can't there is nothing left to do but say. Bye.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Emails to those we wish to thank
-----Email Message
About ten years ago a math teacher saved my life. . . Of all the people in my life at that time, he was the only one who actually took the time to tell me he was concerned and wanted to talk about what was going on. Thank you Mr. Stevens.
-----Email Message-----
My music teacher saved my life. She was the only person who cared enough to ask me what was going on. Thanks Ms. MacDougall.
-----Email Message----
As a teacher in an inner-city middle school, I try everyday to reach out to students I see need help. Still, I recently lost one of my best students to gang violence. He never told anyone that he was in trouble, and it kills me that he felt he had nowhere to go for support. This secret gives me hope that, even if it feels impossible sometimes.
Ms. Lawrence
-----Email Message-----
Everytime my phone goes off I secretly wish it was you. I am sorry for anything I might have done but times and people change. I think losing you was one of the hardest things I have had to deal with is some time and grew from it and have become a better person. I wish you could see who I am now
Me
About ten years ago a math teacher saved my life. . . Of all the people in my life at that time, he was the only one who actually took the time to tell me he was concerned and wanted to talk about what was going on. Thank you Mr. Stevens.
-----Email Message-----
My music teacher saved my life. She was the only person who cared enough to ask me what was going on. Thanks Ms. MacDougall.
-----Email Message----
As a teacher in an inner-city middle school, I try everyday to reach out to students I see need help. Still, I recently lost one of my best students to gang violence. He never told anyone that he was in trouble, and it kills me that he felt he had nowhere to go for support. This secret gives me hope that, even if it feels impossible sometimes.
Ms. Lawrence
-----Email Message-----
Everytime my phone goes off I secretly wish it was you. I am sorry for anything I might have done but times and people change. I think losing you was one of the hardest things I have had to deal with is some time and grew from it and have become a better person. I wish you could see who I am now
Me
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