All I want for Christmas

I don’t want boxes with strings
Things you can buy from a store
I don’t want any material things
I want what only you can give.
A chance.

I just want a chance
A chance to prove to you
A chance to show that it could work
To show that it wont turn out like before
Please just give it a shot

You wont lose a friend and that’s a promise
I care about you too much to let that happen

The Next Chapter

Waiting is over,

The dream has passed

The pictures have melted to nothing

The candle has gone out.

I will have to get out

Out of this current situation

Escape the feeling that has kept a hold of me

Held me as a prisoner

Not able to escape its grasp

I have been trying to escape its grasp

Once I realized that it had a hold of me

Escaping looking for any exit possible

Even if it was a darker path

A path whose destination was uncertain

A mystery a new adventure

After finally finding an escape from my prison

The only thing I have known for what seemed

An eternity of waiting for someone to release me

If given the chance I would turn around and go

Go back to the prison although it might not have been everything

Everything I wanted it to be

It was too good to not want.

I know I can’t be that prisoner anymore because

The prison has started to eat me alive

Starting to take hold and ripping me apart

Tearing the flesh off my lifeless bones

As I await this next chapter to start

All I can wonder is what could have happened

I hear the prison call back

As hard as it is I must keep moving forward

Focused

I look through the lens
I see your beautiful face
You look back at me
But only at the object in my hand

You look for someone to care
Someone to look at you
Someone to want you
Someone to look out for you

Why do you keep looking?
What am I not doing right?
How can I make myself that person?
Who do you want me to become?

You say that it just wouldn't work
That something would happen.
What can I do to prove to you
It can work?

I know that we are not the same
You deserve so much more
More than I can ever give
You deserve the world

I try to find a new focal point
To find something to want
More than to be with you.
There is nothing better.

I try to find something better
Every time I spend time with you
I just get re focused on you
I lie awake thinking of you

All I want is a chance
Chance to see if it can work
A chance to prove to you
I am on my knees asking for a chance

The Perfect Girlfriend

So there is plenty of material out there telling guys how to treat women. However, do you girls really expect to get away with telling us guys how to treat you while we sit by quietly, doting on your every whim while our own desires go unnoticed? Well, this note is a retaliation, showing what a guy expects of his girl. in other words, if a girl ever managed to fulfill this entire list all the time, she would be the perfect girlfriend, without a doubt. not only that title would she easily fill, but perfect human being as well. So, in knowing that there is no perfect human being outside of Him known as Jesus Christ the Son of God, we don't actually expect you to be this person because that is quite impossible. This list was created to show that you can't be perfect, so don't expect us to!

when he says he's not good enough for you,
tell him he's the only one for you

When he is insecure about how he looks,
tell him he looks awesome

When he's with his friends,
don't embarrass him

when he is confused and frustrated by the mystery of girls,
take the time to explain how they (you) work

when he is stressed,
be understanding and caring

when he reaches for the stars,
don't underestimate him and cut him down with your lack of faith

when you find out his surprise for you
don't tell him

when he is ill,
take care of him like a mother would

when he makes a trivial accident,
don't hold it against him

when he's upset,
hug him close

when he's nervous,
hold his hand and look at him reassuringly

when his friends are jerks,
be nice to them

when he achieves something,
take pride in him

when he needs his space
give it to him

don't get mad if he gets a little jealous of other guys
he just knows how amazing you are

don't assume he's cheating on you,
he should hold your constant and unfailing trust

don't try to impress him all the time,
he loves you for who you are, looks just make that love easier to maintain

don't talk about how hot other guys are,
he's not THAT secure

don't cheat on him,
especially in your heart

don't be a hippocrite,
he'll remember more than what you think

don't be mad if he can't pick up on your "clues"
girls don't come with instruction manuals

don't call him stupid,
he's been told that too many times already

don't nag him,
it's annoying and a big turn off

don't be envious of his other female friends (let him spend time with them),
you are the only one for him, but he needs friends just as much as you do

don't manipulate him to get what you want,
you will lose his trust and love

don't flirt with other guys,
he'll think he's not enough for you,
and he'll be right

don't try to change him,
you may not like who he becomes
you should love him for who he is now
and love him as he changes into a better person

don't be so disillusion as to think that he can devote all of his time to you,
that doesn't even happen in marriage!
when he can't see you, he can't see you and he suffers too

wait for his call every night
wait for his text
wait for him to come home

cuddle with him every night

limit your shopping expenses (especially if it's his hard earned money you are using)

motivate him to become a better person,
so he can better love you

take part in his interests
even if they are not your interests

let him into your life by introducing him to your friends and family
(with confidence that he won't do anything stupid, if you lack faith in him, he will fail)

make sure he knows how much you love him,
and if you think he does, tell him anyway

Never put yourself down
because he believes in you

cry in front of him,
he wants to comfort you

go to sleep on him,
he wants to keep you secure and comfortable

tell him everything about you,
just not all at once

take care of yourself,
he wants to grow old with you

respect his beliefs and morals,
even if they aren't yours

let him take care for you
when you don't feel well

even when he calls late,
talk to him

you will be treated how you dress

remember that he needs as much attention as you do

listen to what he has to say, no matter how long he talks

talk things over, just to make sure it's ok

be completely open with him and hold nothing back, not even your secrets

defend him in front of your family and friends

surprise him with food every now and then :)

treat him like a person (he has feelings too), not a hot rod

be sensitive to his heart,
it breaks just as easily as yours does
and often takes longer to rebuild

be honest

be yourself around his friends and family

be your own person,
don't derive who you are from your friends, family, or boyfriend
he loves you for who you are

if he forgets something,
don't hold it against him

if you ask a question that you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear

if he tells you that you are beautiful,
and you say you aren't,
he'll stop telling you

remember, he's not a vampire named Edward,
he's not the lead guy in a steamy romance novel,
he's not a mind reader,
he's not perfect,
don't expect him to be!

coauthored by and Drake

Dear God

Dear God,

I would like to say that keeping this show up for 4 years has been quite difficult but somehow I seem to pull it off. Everyday there is a new obstacle in my path but I seem to find a creative way around that. If you said "What's Wrong?" there would be way to many things to narrow it down to say. I have tried repeatedly to dig myself out of this hole because I don't really know another way out. I seem to have keep digging myself farther and farther in and now I have gotten to the point where I have realized that I am beyond the point where one man without a shovel can get out. There is this tool that I have seem to have left out of the hole that on a daily basis I dig. There was a point where I thought I saw the way out but it only turned into tunnel farther down. I have lost sense of direction in my effort to continue on my own. I would love to have the chance to just ask for help and actually get some other than more than just some other illusion that has seem to have been mistaken for help.

What would happen if I said that I had absolutely no clue as to what is right, what is Your path, or what You were even saying to me? This would come to no surprise to You of course because You know that I took that path long before I realized there was a path change and no idea as to what was going on. Where were the warning signs? I am sure there were some along the way that I just didn't seem to acknowledge or just underestimate their importance to me. I thought that they were for someone else, some other problem, not mine because there was nothing that was wrong. Little to my knowledge I have had these blinders on for way too long. I need Your help in taking these off what to do now? Where do I start? There really isn't a point that I can say with 100% confidence I was even pointing in the right direction. There have been some guide rails that were in my way that helped me from falling off the cliff. Some stop signs that help evaluate the situation but after that red turned into the emerald green I kept going and forgot about the past or what was in my way. What voice are these people talking about? They say that they know what's going and everything but I got no idea as to what is even going on. How can I get back on track better yet how do I get on the track? There have been so many voices that keep talking I have forgotten which one is Yours. Which Shepard do I follow? They all look the same all with the same voice and clothes. Which one is Yours?

There seems to have been a failure on my part on the whole communication part for awhile. Well I had all these things going on where I just didn't have time for You I had these other things that were more important.

So my final question, When You call how will I know? I seem to have been hitting ignore on the phone call for quite sometime now. Will I recognize the number or even the voice on the line?

Your Son,

Drake

P.S. Quick response preferred if possible.

A Question of Conduct

I behold constantly an injustice
Jerks with worthy women
Why is this so?
Why do the wicked prosper
Whilst I am ever alone?

Maybe if I was a jerk
Some girl would finally want to be with me
But as I now am,
I’m only a nice guy who finishes last

I can be strong and vigilant
But a girl wants
A dangerous man,
Who treats her like excrement
Why can’t I be that guy?!

All he wants her for is her body
Yet she care’s not
She deserves so much more than him!
She says she wants attention
But I give her that
To no avail, cause I do not matter
Cause she only wants acceptance of the jerk-off
Some dick who watches pornography every night of his life
Who jacks off to other women
Who flirts with any skirt that crosses his path
Who gets drunk every night
Yet he still manages to end up with the girl

While I who stay in righteousness
Can make no such claim
I have no girl in my life
Who would love me
Not anyone I know

Who am i?
Who do I want to be?
A lonely righteous man
Or an accompanied jerk-off
If the measure of the amount of love in one’s life
Is the determination of his worth,
Well I am still in a dilemma,
While I can love far deeper as I am,
As I am, no girl will accept my love
If I become a jerk though, a girl will love me for certain
She will give herself to me,
No strings attached
But how shallow and superficial will that “love” be!

So I end this
With that question hanging
Whom to become
If I have the faith,
I would stay as I am, trusting in God to reward me with someone to love
But if my faith fails me
I shall give into the darkness, which I already experience in this isolation
And become the guy they all can’t wait to touch
And never again glimpse what is sublime
The flesh will be my lot
An evil to be sure
But is it worse than this isolation?
To know you can offer more love than any other jerk,
But never accepted, only rejected.
Is a heavy burden to bear
And my despair begins.

Motions

I don't want to go through the motions. I don't want to go one more day without your all consuming passion inside of me. There are somethings that trap us. They look great on the surface but once you start to fully understand them then you start to not like what you see. There have been a few things like that for me lately varying from jobs to people. At the time it seemed as though it was a horrible thing she said what she did but now am so much more relieved. How can someone you thought you knew change so quickly? You think you know them but then they start to do things like that. I wish she had enough respect for me to tell me what happened to make her this way.

Is there a right choice?

Is there ever a time where there is a clear cut decision of what is right and wrong? No. I know that most choices are not easy but do all of them have to be this difficult? If I would have gotten the internship in DC I would have never been able to put myself here. Life would be easier but I cant change the past so I guess the only way through it is digging in and weathering the storm.

Look at this photograph

Pictures are a way of escaping our current situation. Remembering those memories of times gone by. They can take us to beautiful, relaxing, ugly, and stressful times. Sometimes we just have to stop what we are doing and pay attention to what is going on around us. If we don't have time to stop at take a picture then obviously our lives are too busy and we need to slow down or else we will miss the beauty of the world.

A Shopping Adventure

Everyone loves going shopping if its for clothes, cars, video games, jobs, friends, or other things. Almost anything can be bought if you have a high enough limit on your credit card. One of the few commodities we can't purchase would be friendship. We might be able to buy it with the lies we tell but sooner or later they will catch up to you. It's the snowball effect you have to keep telling more lies to cover up another lie. There is no way out of the visous circle once you start unless you fess up and tell the truth. The truth can be a dangerous thing if you try to cover it up, you might be trying to hide it because you think it's nasty, ugly, and will make people stop being your friends. Eventually they will find out either from you telling them or your actions that say it for you.

I Have Been Changed For The Good

There have been some recent things that have truly stuck with me and makes me appreciate what I have. I volunteer at a hospital and when there are kids that are lying in the Intensive Care Unit with burns all over their body, coming into dialysis everyday like routine, and many other things. These types of things make you wonder how they are able to still have a smile on their face and are happy to see and meet new people. Seeing these things you understand why everyone from the janitors to doctors go to work everyday, they are able to help the people get better and live a normal life.

Trapped

It never fails after a little bit of time I always get trapped into some sort of commitment that I can't seem to get out of. Now it really boils down to the job part because if I say no then I'm letting someone down but if I say yes to everyone then I let someone else down.

What Should I Do?

Dear Friend,

I realize I haven't written to you in awhile several things have been eating away at me. These things I have tried to bring to your attention before although they didn't seem to stick. My major pet peeve is people that don't feel as though they have zero self confidence/respect. The major reason this bothers me is because with all of my friends I have respect for you so when you act as though you don't respect yourself it's very difficult to keep respect for you. How can I respect you if you don't respect yourself? I realize I do blow somethings out of proportion and can get carried away with that but if you don't want that to happen you shouldn't tell me those things not that I don't care but because I do. I have told you before not to talk about some of those things with me but you continue to do it.

There are some other things that I would like to bring to your attention. I realize that you like to talk a lot but sometimes it can be overwhelming when I come to talk to you about something that is bothering me and you talk nonstop aout different things. Continuing, with that if I bring a problem of mine to your attention and you think I should discuss it with another person that would have more experience with that. It would be better if I was able to make the decision to discuss it with that individual on my own instead of you arranging it. I realize you are trying to help but forcing me to talk with a person that I might not be ready to talk with yet isn't making it better, but making me be more careful about what I talk about with you.

When a I was going through a very difficult time this year you seem to have disappeared when I needed you the most. I was surprised to hear about how I was abanoning everyone when all I did was stop inviting myself to things where I felt as though you didn't want me there. Now, it just might be me but when I know someone is going through a difficult time I try and be there for them but it seems with you it seems as though it is best to leave them on their own and make them feel more alone.

Alright, so remember when you told me that I don't have a personality and I just seem to mimick those in our group? Well, you might not realize this but this still bothers me to this day because I thought you knew me but it seems as though you don't know me at all. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association, personality traits are "enduring patterns of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and oneself that are exhibited in a wide range of social and personal contexts." Now, let's think about this word environment this would include friends so guess what friends make up your personality. Thus, the environment that I live in has an effect on my personality and might to somepeople look like I am "mimicking" them. Although, everyone that I have told that I don't have a personality of my own and only copy those, they have laughed their butts off at it because I am weird and an individual.

For now that is all I have for you.

Your Friend,

The Silent Typewriter

Number 3

Well, it seems as though I have gotten myself into yet another job. I work at a movie theater, a health organization, and now I am a web master for a web site this is all in addition to my summer class. I seem to keep finding time for all of these things it just seems as though I get less sleep and not as much money.

I get knocked down

There are somethings that happen to us that bring us down. A girlfriend/boyfriend breaks up with you, your told you are just not good enough, or something has happened to you that makes you believe your not good enough or deserve anything better. These things happens to all of us the things that make us different is how we react and handle those situations. I feel sad to say that some of us can't always make the best decisions from those experiences. I am not saying that some people are better than others its is just some of us need some direction and encouragement from others.

Something to think about

Take stock of your relationships. Think of only the closest, because with this idea, you'll have a really hard time the more people you have.
Now imagine yourself in front of a line of these people. You must choose one at a time from that line to be saved and after each choice another person dies.
Who do you choose?

I Like It Rough

There are somethings that just slide into place operate without much problems. Why would you ever want your life to operate like that?

The Frustration of Memory

Memory it can be a blessing and a curse at the same time. You can remember the wonderful time that you have spent with your friends having the time of your life but it can also switch into a curse that makes you recall the memories of pain, terror, and heartache. If memories bring the vastly two different parts out why would you want to remember anything? The when they are good memories are fantastic when they are bad its horrible. Sometimes I think if we could just get rid of the ones we don't want or bring pain we should be able to erase them. Obviously this isn't possible but I think the best thing to do in this situation would be to simply make more good memories than bad. What happens when it comes to memories of lost loves or people you really wish you would have a chance with? Would it be better to remember the parts when you would do anything under the sun for them or when you we killed when you were rejected?

Girls, Girls, Girls

Last night I had a very interesting conversation with my friend about girls which is always interesting since both of us are guys. So, we had to make it an official night talk and go to iHop til 1am. We were discussing some of the most disappointing stories that have happened to us or were told about and we had some interesting ones that could be made into a book. One of the topics was we were talking about girls that are like on top of a pillar and could never fall. There is a way that no matter what she would do and how disappointed I might be with what she does because I know she is smarter than that she could never do anything majorly wrong in my mind. She could do almost anything and that would never stop me from having her on this pillar. The hilarious part of the evening was we were trying to figure out what was going on with the different girls in our lives and it took both of us combined thinking about it for a few hours and we still could never figure them out.

Last week, I was watching Mean Girls with a friend and she was talking about how the girl is sitting behind the guy daydreaming. I said you know when I guy sees a hot girl that's basically what happens.

Life and the tricks it plays on you

Over the past academic year I made several good friends, lost some great friends, and been so confused I am not sure what even happened. It seems as though the rule "You can't please everyone so make sure you are doing what you want to" doesn't always seem to work. There were a few instances through out the time where I had to make decisions on what to do in a given situation like two events going on at the same time what one should I go to? I know this is what I should do but there is no way I could do that now. Through out playing the game of what I should do I came to realize that there are only certain parts of my personality I can share with each person because they either think I am a liar which I am not or think I am a complete idiot if I were to do something in which I love. For instance with one group of people they know me as a very crazy, fun loving, dancing fool, do what I want and not really care what everyone else thinks person which I am. The problem comes in when people that see this part of me think I am just making it up to fit in and not really think of it as truly being myself.

The Double Standard

Do you ever get the feeling that if you did something and someone else did the exact same thing there would be a different result? This can be a result of different factors such as favoritism, popularity, jealousy, and many others. While I was sitting in the car on my way to the Mall of America my dad said something interesting while we were talking about celebs (In reference to Brett Michaels) "He would probably be surprised to know that the world doesn't revolve around him the washed up rockstar that he is." Now lets think about this if someone were to say that to you I am assuming you might get a little offended. Obviously it wouldn't be referring to your rockstar carrer but if it was aimed at something that you did. Since, in our society celebrities are measured on a different level for some unknown reason to me this is ridiculous. Everyone is the same and all deserve to have the opinons expressed.

One time at the movie theatre...

Everyone has great stories from their time at work some stories can be more exciting than others. Some stories could be from people being intimate with each other in a crowded theater to bats flying down the hallways. These stories are all true and names have been changed to protect the innocent.

When you have worked for a movie theatre as long as I have you gather some pretty interesting stories. One day in the summer so it was quite busy my friends Fred and Will decided that they would have a snack while going around and cleaning the theaters so in one of the theaters they found a bag of opened Reese's Pieces. Of course they did the initial check to make sure that there weren't any bodily fluids in the bag and it passed. So they started eating the candy and thought it tasted a little odd. Well they looked back into the bag and found that a couple used the bag as a family planning device. They haven't eaten any candy that they did not open themselves.

People always love leaving things behind in movie theatres. Well, a customer left a vibrator in the men's restroom. It was found by an employee and was laughed at for most of the day. One of the employees decided it would be of much used with him. At the end of the day this employee took the device with him and had a very large smile of his face.

There have been several sex sightings. There was a sighting during a Hannah Montana it was sold out and there was a silhouette of the girl strateling the guy in the front row. They were surprised to find out that they were asked to leave by the police officer. Another sighting was in Iron Man there was a man that was pleasuring himself in the aisle that was a very awkward occurance.

There are many other stories but these are some of the top ones I could think of quickly. As a courtesy to all of those around you and the people that have to clean up please do it at home.

Please share some of your stories

You Were Cool When I Didn't Know You

Do you ever get the feeling that you were better off not knowing something? With in the past few weeks I have had this feeling a lot. There have just been certain aspects that were so much better before I met you. For instance some might preceive you as an nice, kind, and all around good kid. Although you know what they say about first impressions, most of them are completely wrong. I guess it is my own fault for thinking to highly of you. So, I was hoping it wouldn't come to this but if the paths must part I guess that is what has to happen.

You Know Your A Geek When...

Disclaimer: I have some first hand experience in this area since I am a geek so I have the right to say this.
For those of you that are not geeks you most likely have never heard of a game called EVE Online. Well the basis of the game is you are a spaceship commander and you interact with real people in this made up, real time, universe of wonder. It is entertaining for hours just flying your little ship around and seeing what you can see. Well are enhancements to the game that you can purchase using the money in the game called Isk. One of these game enhancements is EVE dating it is a way for guys to "hook up" with those attractive women that play EVE. They have special editions like Euro dating and Russian dating so whatever you might be into they have it for you. Most of the people the customer talks to are known as Bots (a computer that talks back). A few times I have found pictures of those "hot girls playing EVE that want to chat" that look a lot like some FaceBook friend's profile pictures. So, it begs the question who doesn't play EVE?

Signs you are addicted to EVE
1)You would mine imaginary astroids than hang out with friends.
2)You say Isk instead of dollars
3)Your friends know you only as your username like mine being Itzli Tzitzimime
4)If you find yourself doing 2 of the 3 above

The Letter to You

Dear You,

Who do you think you are? Making me fall head over heals for you and for what? Just to be ultimately disappointed. I don't think I will be able to keep up this chase I will eventually have to let you go even though it will rip me apart. Just seeing you in a simple situation I don't think I would be able to handle it.

Are you even worth it anymore?

I know it can never go anywhere near what it was. I want to be your friend. I want to be around you. I don't want our differences to drive a wedge between us.

There's too much about you that I can't tolerate. I know you will never heed my warnings the people that you have allowed to effect you is making you into a person I don't recognize anymore. And you know you could do so much better. It really hurts me to see how you've changed since you've started hanging out with them. I really don't like the person you've become. The main thing that drives me up the wall about you is you sell yourself short and not yourself get to your full potential.

But I just can't do it any more. I hate to lose you, but that's what's going to happen if you continue down this destructive path under the delusion you know what you're doing and that you're doing it for noble reasons.

Don't be a lost cause. I cry for what was forgotten. Show me the real you again. Show me what it used to be like.

Sincerly,

Drake

Finding Your Personallity

This can be hard for some of those among us at least in the eyes of others around us. There are some personalities that might not stick out as much as others but they are still there. I was recently told by "friend" that I do not have a personality but purely copy those around me. Now, let's think about this is I just copy how do I ever survive when I am not around them? Do I just not have a personality? Who would I be? Now, anyone that has met and knows me knows one thing for sure I am NOT like everyone else. I am weird. Some say that the music you listen to can say a lot about you. In this aspect I am one of the weirdest of all with my music library ranging from- Disney soundtracks to Korn, Classical to Rap, and everything in between. Now if that does not say anything right there it shows I am not like everyone else and just like a certain type of music but everything to a point. My goal has been to always be myself and not follow those around me because if you do that then you are nothing and mean absolutely nothing to anyone, because they feel in love with this invisable person (Click Here). To be honest it really bothered me that this person said this knowing how much it would most likely piss me off which it did. So this makes my decision about next year a lot easier.

Venting Inc.

This is a fairly small organization that many don't know about yet. It is an organization that help people get through rough times that they might be going through. Everyone helps everyone is the general gist of the organization. It currently consists of 4 members so as you can see it is still unknown and the founders (Chelsea and Mark) currently make up 50% of the organization so it still has some potential to grow. The tricky part of getting this to grow it is getting the trust level between the people to the level to be able to tell the sort of things that would be stressing the people out. Now, granted this is just a bunch of friends that help each other out when they need the support of people that have gotten through their own obstacles.

Running Away From One's Problems

I had a interesting conversation at breakfast this morning and part of it was about running away from one's problems. I recently deactivated my Facebook account which some are amazed that I did such a thing and it was viewed from some people as running away from my problems. I would beg a differ the reason I did it was to get away from those I wish not to talk to. In a way I guess I have ran away from my problems instead of facing them straight on but it is truly down right mean when those assume things that they honestly have no right to get in to. There are some parts to wish I have not fully disclosed with them because they don't need or have earned enough trust to know. Everytime they get close they cease to amaze me and lose it.

The Invisable Person

"I don't want to go through the motions, I don't want to go one more day..." (The Motions by Matthew West). Have you ever felt as though you had to be someone else so people would like you? Sometimes it can be difficult to be yourself when everyone is pushing against you and wanting you to change into someone or something else. Now let me back up quick you need to change in order to adapt to a new situation although changing who you are and what you believe in is not worth it. I realize that it might be difficult to do especially when your around people that you like but there is no point of pretending you are someone your not. It just ends up fooling everyone including yourself.

I Do Believe

Over the past few weeks I have been thinking through some difficult things and because of that I have not talked as much which those of you that know me will sound as a complete surprise. As much as I have been trying for it not to be noticeable it had become known today. I have been wanting to get this internship as you could gather from some of my more recent posts and been praying about it at any spare moment asking for it and asking him to show that He was listening to what I was saying. Well I got my answer today while I was waiting for some of my friends to get the rest of their food at the food court area so I went ahead and got sat down at a table. While sitting there these two guys came up to the me and asked if they could sit down and chat I was thinking "alright so what are you trying to sell now?" much like the many other people do that go around the area. Well they were from CRU (Crusaders for Christ) group on campus and started asking me about my faith and things of that nature. They were very good about the way they went about it because it could be taken the wrong way if approached differently. Well it seems as though He did answer my prayer although it might not have been in they way I wanted it to be answered but it was answered never the less. One of the questions they asked was if I felt like I died for Jesus everyday. I was wondering what they were referring to because frankly I had no idea so he went on to explain to ask if I felt like I was living for Him each day with everything I did and to be honest I said no. It reminds me of the song "Can't Get Away" by Rush of Fools the song talks about no matter how far we run we will always run into Him. (Click Here To Listen).

Nervousness, Excitiment, and Stress

As a continuation of my last post I am applying for an internship for the summer. If I were to get this once in a lifetime opportunity it would truly change me for the rest of my life. This internship would be a great way to show people that for once in my life I am able to do something really amazing. If I wasn't able to get the job it would show that I am not really all that different from everyone else.

I Wish It Will Happen But It Wouldn't

There is a job that I am trying to get for the summer which would be a really amazing opportunity for me. There are so many other individuals that would really great at this besides me they most likely know people that have an influence, have a better GPA, go to a more prestigious school, and several other things. When I talk about this to people I act like I have no doubts that they will hire me and give me the chance to prove myself, but secretly I am thinking that there is almost no chance of me getting it. I would love to but it just would not happen I filled something out wrong I forgot something or some of minimal thing that does not make me able to do it. Some of my friends say "You do understand that there are people from all over the country applying for this right? There are some kids that go to MIT, Harvard, Yale, and other IV league schools and know people that are in control of this. They did more volunteering, more leadership positions, and other things to prepare for this." I respond "That is true but what real world experience do they have? Have they had an internship for the third largest health network in the nation and have worked for everything that they have received? What makes them better than me a better GPA?" Think about it if they have a great GPA then they are very smart I am not denying that but do they have common sense? I just want to know that for once in my life I am able to get it.

Why can't we ever be on the same page?

Right off the bat it is very easy to write whatever I want on here because I know no one will ever read it so it makes things simpler. I have a main problem of not just getting away from people. It's not because I don't want to be around you it is because when I am around you that is all I want to do just hang out with you. I realize that it is as simple as it might look but it could work. What is it about me that does not work? What am I not doing right? I really wish that if I do something that makes you mad or annoys you that you would say something and not just let it go.

My Major Flaw

Every single person has a flaw and some can be easier to fix than others at least from other people's point of view. For mine anyway I think it could be fixed easily except for the fact I don't think I have the heart to do it. To start off with my flaw would have to "Caring about people too much". It always seems to get me into trouble and stress that is unneeded. See if I could only be ass to people more than I wouldn't give a crap about what they did.

Life

Some say the only way you know what your life is worth is by seeing how you are remembered by those you leave behind. I sometimes think about how I will be remembered once I die. What would they say? Would I leave an impression on anyone to make a difference? Would there be a difference if I wasn't here?

I would like to believe that I have left an impression on people I interact with. I try although I fail at most attempts to do or say the right thing at any certain moment. Sometimes people only remember the accomplishments we have succeed with in our lives. Now you might not agree with me on this but I think it would be more benenfical to remember te mistakes they have made and then overcame. If the only thing remembered is the accomplishments then people will never learn from others mistakes. A very popular saying that I only recently have started to agree with is if you don't learn history and remember it you are doomed to repeat it. Obviously this is not correct for major things like if you dont remember who invented electricity that doesn't mean you will have to invent it yourself or something like that because that is just ridiculous. Now if the history is more directed to learning from others mistakes you will likely make those exact same mistakes and have to learn the lesson yourself.

Some of those around us only believe what they lean themselves and in certain circumstances I would be one of those people. Some would say I would argue just for the sake of arguing and that is not the case normally I'm right. Just kidding I am usually wrong about a lot of things. Anyway back to the mission learn what you can about others and their mistakes and you will be surprised.

Priority

Do you ever get the feeling that you should be doing something but you just cant figure out what that something is? Everyone gets the feeling sometime through out there life it usually turns out to be a matter of if you act on that urge. Well I think I might actually finish this since I started to write this post about a month ago. I always try to put things off til the last minute but when something that might be a megabite better I would immediately switch and do that instead. This time it has just been the fact of life getting in the way. By life I mean I thought other things should take priority. It seems easy enough for example if a boat is sinking but the cabins need to get cleaned what would be done first fix the problem that is making the boat sink or clean the cabins? Although in this instance the decision is very easy to decide but sometimes it is harder than others. If you were to hang out with two different groups friends for the same time period how would you pick which one you would hang out with? Would it be by when they asked you, people you get along better with, or some other form of deciding? The whole trick to the whole college life thing is time management, time management, time management. Because sooner or later you will be busy with several different things and will have to find time to do everything because it must be done. How will you decide?

You Are All I Want, All I Need, Your Everything

Every year when it comes around Christmas time I start to get asked what I want and I have to think about it for awhile. I mean what could I possibly get that would truly change my life? A new iPod, computer, car, or what could really make a difference? There is only one thing that I really want and that is something that I have already been given but have run away from it at my earliest convenience. The gift I am talking about would be love, the love of my Savior. What could I possibly do to deserve it I mean I no where near deserve it or have done anything in order to keep it.

There is a very inspiring skit that I grown to be very connected with. This would be the "Everything" byLifehouse song that was turned into a skit. It pretty much sums up what I do on a daily basis. I get so caught up in this world that I forget about what really matters and that being my relationship with Jesus. I could never blame anything on getting farther and farther away from Him except for the fact that there is sin in this world and nothing will ever change that. What I think is pretty amazing is no matter what I do to run away from Him he will always be there when I need Him. The only thing that can ever effect a person's relationship with God is the person them self. Everyone is responsible for what they do it's called taking responsibility. Now I will admit that there are some situations where you feel there is no other choice then to do what you know is wrong. This is where you must remember that you are never alone and God doesn't put you in a situation you can't control your actions. "Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good—except God alone."Luke 18:18-20 No one is even near being good except for God so all you can do is try your best to be halfway decent and with God's help you will be good and able to over come any obstacle.

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."Matthew 26:40-42 I will be the first one to admit that I am not even close to having a extremely strong faith although through His help I can do anything.

People and Their Actions

While I sit here and observe the world working around me there a several things that are happening around me. From people sitting by themselves to huge groups just chilling and hanging out. There are more people texting that are with other people than those sitting y themselves ans s they would probably be more inclined to join the group. Most of us if we don't see someone we know we will be more inclined to sit by ourselves than trying to meet someone new. Every once in awhile there is a person that approaches a group and says "Can I join you?". What do you think would happen if you were one of those types of people. No one even in college like to be in a unfamiliar environment. Jumping into a conversation with people in which you have no previous history with could be a little nerve racking. They might just assume to sit by themselves because they are different from the average person. What if you passed up the opportunity to meet your could be best friend. I am speaking from experience here I am not just pulling this out of thin air because I hate it when people say something like that with zero experience in the matter.

One day near the beginning of the year I chose not to sit with anyone but someone came and sat by me. We started to talk and we are now best friends now granted you just don't start talking to someone and become best friends with them but it takes time to develop that friendship. Ever since then I try not to sit by myself because you could meet your new friend any day of the week. I try and meet one of my friends for breakfast every morning and through doing that I meet another friend because he started to sit with us. He is a very interesting person and I can learn a lot from him.

So next time you don't have someone to sit with go and try new things if you are comfortable with it. You might surprise yourself and find out how awesome some people can be.

The Most Popular Word

If you walk around any high school or college campus in the United States I can almost personally guarantee that you would hear the word drama being used. The Athenian theater created three genres of drama: tragedy, comedy, and satyr. Now when we discuss drama in the "modern" ideology there could be more than the original three that are discussed but still rotate around the same general principal.

Starting with tragedy to different age groups this could mean a very wide variety of issues. To teenagers it could be anywhere from Jack and Jill broke up to Oh My God I am having the worst hair day and Jimmy wouldn't even notice me now. Now as you increase in age you realize how much that really matters. A tragedy would be a member of the family has passed away or you can no longer afford to live in your house.

This brings me to the topic of economy and how it some what relies on drama. The stock market is somewhat all drama you see if there a stock X and is losing points(shares) more and more stockholders will sell in order to get somewhat of a profit. In order for the economy to do well and everyone to keep their jobs there needs to be less drama. On September 17, 2001 for instance the day the stock markets opened after one of the worse tragedies to happen on U.S. soil there was a 1,369.7 point drop (14.8%) the lowest drop recorded in history. Everyone just experienced a major tragedy and wanted to get what they could instead of trusting in a system that has proven to work when people believe in it. It took several years to recover from that horrible day and we have still not quite recovered.

What would life be like without drama? We would never have any grief, sorrow, pain, or any of that. Now I realize this sounds very appealing right now but I have yet to include comedy in the mix that takes away happiness, laughter, or anything that puts a smile on anyone's face. This would be a very depressing life to live. No sadness but happiness would also be absent just picture trying to an entire day without a smile.

What would you rather have?

Like Smoke through a Keyhole

The past week has been one of madness, sadness, and everything in between. Need less to say this has been an adventure. Emotions are a teeter-toter and they must even out and sometimes they don't. One way to fix this problem would be to sit around and do nothing with anyone and stay unchanged by the world. Or the more exciting venture would be to go out and "live life".

Let's break this down life can be defined as - living things are systems that tend to respond to changes in their environment, and inside themselves, in such a way as to promote their own continuation. Live would be to experience or enjoy life to the full. Well the problem with living your life is it comes with down turns like the nasty five letter word. Drama I can guarantee you that some how some where you will have drama in your life. Even if it is minor it would still count because it has to equalize the teeter-toter. I have seen several different relationships between friends fail just because they let the drama come into play. If there was something I could do it would be to cure drama because it's a disease.

Once it infects one person it carries on to others and normally the way it can do it so easily is because it uses your personality to get to you and start to rip things down. I sometimes think that drama is like an illusion in the fashion of once your in it the situation seems like a major ordeal when it can be fixed just by making some simple decisions. For instance you could have said no when you said yes and avoided the situation almost entirely. Well what about the other side of this teeter-toter? What about the fun side? Well that would be the best part of living your life. You get to meet and hang out with some of the coolest people you can meet. If you live life you put up with the best and worse parts of life but if you don't live you will just experience the worse parts.

The Cliche

So what in your opinion is the most over used saying in our language or any language for that matter? Could the one your thing of "whats up?" This could be most likely caused by the new fade of texting your communication instead of actually making a phone call on the device in your hand. Now the one that could possibily be used by all age groups and languages "I Love You". Why use these same three words that the ENTIRE world uses? What about turning it into your own words or in turn telling how you feel? For instance you could say "I love you" but just add some flair to it. Every word or phrase looses its importance once it is thrown around. When you hear someone say "That person was really nice" what do you think? What if you switched it to "That person was really kind and conciderate"? Somepeople would take those two different phrases that mean the same thing differently. On a scale of 1-10 (1 being "I might remember it" and 10 being "I would never forget that) the first one might get a 3 and the later 8 just bye switching your wording and expanding your vocabulary.